I am a system dropout
I am just now realizing that I have officially been stateless for two days. Who would have thought? Adios, see you later Germany. I have deregistered from my beloved Germany. Yes, it has just really hit me now.
You step into uncharted territory. Deregistered from Germany and already financially unstable?! I no longer have a home. I am now a nomad, without a "home" to return to. I need a new "state." Away from the umbilical cord of the tax system. I want to fly before I can properly walk.
Everything feels reversed.
Since I really started with my painting, I had to learn to break old blocks and self-doubt that had crept in over the past ten years. I don't know if I always had the tendency to please everyone. At least it didn't bother me before, but I have become aware of it now. The five years I spent in a cult left their mark. The self-imposed humility and seeing oneself as a sinner. My self-confidence had suffered. Old relationship scars, self-doubt... oh come on, what am I telling you? Don’t we all know this? The crucial question is, how can you turn things around to the positive?
To be honest, this is one of the main reasons for my journey into the world. I want to fulfill my wishes before it's too late. But above all, it will be a journey to myself. An act of courage. A leap into the unknown without a safety net. Will gravity pull me down and will I crash on the cliffs, or will I realize in time that I have wings to finally fly again?